Tonight your mine completely but….
Will you still love me tomorrow?
I have had this Supremes song on my mind for a couple of weeks now. I wasn’t quite sure why or what I should do with it. I started this post a while back but I since I wasn’t sure why I had this song on my mind, well the post never really materialized. Not too much time later, my relationship with R ended. Maybe my doubts about our relationship were what drew me to this song. I will say I wasn’t devastated but I was hugely disappointed and sad. I saw so much potential for us that just never was able to be realized. My beau who loved me one day decided the next he doesn’t. Is this even possible? He didn’t actually say “I don’t love you,” but his actions spoke louder than anything he could ever say. The short version of what happened is that we were supposed to go away for the July 4 holiday. I needed to have the details of what we were doing so I could arrange and plan around it. When he wouldn’t committ to doing anything specific or even discuss it with any interest, I finally told him just to surprise me. Well the morning of the day we were to leave he was not feeling well. Again. I hadn’t doubted his nearly constant declarations that he didn’t feel well up to that point. The frequency of this complaint had me at thatmoment wondering how much truth there could be to what he was saying. Was it more like he felt a little bad but painted a bigger picture for me? How could someone just feeling like crap all the time? There were actual medical reasons for him to feel bad but I still wondered. Anyway, so our plans were off for the weekend. Shortly after he told me he had just gotten up and was still feeling bad I decided I would just go over and see him. When I texted him that I was coming he responded saying that he was “downtown with his moms friend.” Ok. So he goes from being in bed until noon because he was sick to being dowtown an hour later. I was a little upset! I texted him back saying. “Forget it. I give up.” I sent another couple of texts saying I didn’t appreciate being lied to and that all I asked was for him to be honest with me. This seemed to be a theme in our relationship. The theme being that whatever we planned would somehow not work out and usually it was because he was sick. I knew we time would be limited over this time period and suggested at one point that maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while. He was very upset by this and so I had retracted the suggestion thinking maybe I was overreacting. So I gave him the opportunity to break it off but he clearly didn’t want that. We have to spend time together to have a relationship. He just couldn’t make the time. Whether he is truly as sick as he proclaims I’ll never know.
The text stating he “was downtown…” was the last time I heard from him. I sent several messages total and he didn’t respond to any of them. It does look like he tried to call somewhere around that time. I called him back once but he didn’t answer. He basically went ‘no contact’ overnight. How is it that guys can just “turn it off?” It completely baffles me. How can he love me one day and the next choose not to talk to me? As far as I can tell there is no one else. So I’ve been left again for no one. I’m feeling pretty discouraged and thinking I really suck at relationships. I’m wondering if it was something about me, something I did or if it was more about him. I feel bad I wasn’t more understanding of him being sick, but then again, he could have broke it off saying he was not well enough to pursue a relationship. Instead I spent most of our relationship getting my hopes up that next time, next week he’ll feel better.
I guess love is not possible right now.