The secretary handed me my messages just as I came out of the room. One of them was to return a call to a colleague. The other was that the VP of our group (my employer) was waiting in the lobby for me. I didn’t have a good feeling about the message and what they could possibly want. One member of our 3 person team had been in earlier in the day, crying and packed up her things from our shared office. I knew something was up. I just wasn’t sure what that something was.
We sat down in the atrium, a public waiting room down from my office. A father and his two children approached and sat down.
Surprised, he asked “Do you want to go some place private?”
“Is it necessary that we are in a private place?” I asked. “We could use my office”
“I didn’t know you had an office. Yes. Lets go there.”
I am not surprised that they don’t know I had an office. The VP guy is new and temporary. The HR gal is new. Its her first day.
“We have decided to go with a different model of care and are not renewing any of your groups contracts,” he said. I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Despite what I should have taken as a warning sign earlier, I just never considered that this was what was coming.
“Am I being fired?”
“Oh no,” he assured me.
Really? Sounds like it to me.
Over the past couple of years it seems like I have faced rejection more times than I care to admit. Of course my divorce is the numero uno of all rejection. Leaving my job of 15 years shortly after comes in after that. It was a huge source of support for me. Professionally it didn’t get much better than that. I found myself facing another huge loss. A few personel changes mixed with my post-divorce behavior and haze, I found myself no longer welcome. I was asked to resign. After 15 years it had come to this?
Things had changed at work and in my marriage but I was too late to salavge either one.
I feel like screaming out as loud as I can “I really am an ok person. Please don’t send me a way. Why are you doing this?”
Will they realize they’ve made a mistake? I haven’t had anyone ever come back and say they thought they’d made a mistake. I know I can’t rely on this to make me feel better. I know it would though.
I will have to strap on my big girl boots and get back in the saddle though. Life is funny that way. It keeps moving regardless of what you are going through. My kids still need their mother. They still need to be provided for. I need to find whats meant to be next in this life of mine.