Archive for the ‘ Fun ’ Category

Summer Fishing

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since I am once again single I have reposted my profile on the dating site where I met R, okCupid. I like this site pretty well. I like how it asks questions and helps you get an idea of the kind of person they are. Once I had my profile up and had looked around I noticed that I was seeing many of the faces I’d seen there before. I suppose its not reasonable to expect there’d be a whole new crop of men perfect for me!  I was now curious about the other dating sites out there. I had done Match before so decided not to go that route.

Plenty of Fish, Zoosk, and Rich Men are the dating sites that seem to be the most popular. I am curious what sites you all favor?  Do you prefer one over another?  Why?  I’d love to hear some critiques on these sites!

Happy fishing!  I wish everyone much love and happiness this summer!

Michele Bailey

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Spring and Other New Beginnings

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We have had some beautiful days lately here in the Pacific Northwest. My only complaint is that there have been too few of them!  I do love spring and all the crazy, fickle weather that comes with it. I always know summer is just around the corner. There are flowers blooming, baby birds and ducks frequenting the pond and the end of the school year is in sight.

Spring is like a blossoming love.  There are lots of firsts already shared and new experiences on the horizon. A significant first for R and I recently was him him meeting my kids. We decided to plan something fun and he suggested an afternoon of kayaking, followed by a BBQ at his house. When I mentioned the plan to my kids, they informed me that they are deathly afraid of the water. What?  Since when? 

“Is it by a waterfall?”  Uh, no.

“Are there rapids?”  Uh, no.

Who knew?  Anyway, we decided to just ride his ATV around and then BBQ. My parents are visiting so of course they came, too. I had planned on going first with 3 of my kids and my folks coming shortly after me with my oldest child. We made a quick stop at the store and as we were getting in the car to leave my oldest called and said they were at his house already!  So much for that idea. Another plan out the window. At least that was 3 introductions I didn’t have to do!  We had a fun time riding the ATV and a lot of yummy food.  There was interaction, no fighting, full tummies and I managed to escape the day without my mother embarrassing me! All was good. The day was a success. Everyone left to head home as some had homework and another had “plans” and I stayed to help clean up. Cleaning up after my family is a big job!  After all the clean up we just collapsed on the sofa. Whew!  Just enough energy left for a little loving. Dessert is always my favorite part of the meal.

Friends With Benefits

Is it possible to be just “friends with benefits?” Like with most questions in the relationship category, there’s never just one simple answer. I don’t know the answer to this for myself so I certainly can’t begin to offer any enlightened commentary on its possibility.

I mentioned in my previous post that I was venturing out into the world of post-divorce dating. I probably cannot count the number of times over the past several years that I’ve said or thought I’d never be doing or saying a particular thing. On-line dating. This would be another to add to that list! Never in a million years would I have thought… Maybe I am in constant denial about what’s ahead in my life at any given time. Not sure. I am currently signed up with match.com and okcupid.com. I have to say that okcupid is way more fun than match! Its even somewhat entertaining. Ok so the short version is that I’ve met someone who initially inquired about whether I was interested in meeting. I was surprised….ok shocked, because he is 9 years younger than me. What in the world would he want with me? He lives fairly close to me and I guess this was part of his motivation. So I sort of declined saying he was a bit young for me. He replied asking if I would be interested in a fwb arrangement. I have always said that I do appreciate direct! The time and person I guess were right for me so I launched into this fwb thing with him. It hasn’t been very long. A week. Wow. It feels longer. Just over this week I have grown very fond of him. I enjoy getting his messages. Many are sexual in nature and some are not. We talk about other stuff too. Our time together has been brief and that’s probably underestimating! I want to spend more time with him. Talk to him more. Get to know him more. I know he’s holding back because he’s not ready for a relationship. So my question to everyone is…is it possible to be friends with benefits only? I think part of the issue for me is that we weren’t friends first. We were more like strangers with benefits. My heart feels fragile and that it could be easily broken. Its not quite like it used to be! I’m not asking him for a relationship. I’m certainly not ready for that! I am asking for more of him though. I want to know him better, to be friends.

Is it possible? Please share your experiences and thoughts on FWB.
Thanks Michele

Whos That Guy?

I spent much of a recent weekend at a basketball tournament my girls were playing in. I started out tired because I worked Friday night. I got home, showered, ate and we were on our way. The day was filled with watching basketball and quick trips to the store for food or other essentials. We were running late and got there just before it started. I hadn’t been seated very long when I noticed a friend of the girls walk into the gym. I was very surprised to see her as she lives out of town but happened to be here for the holiday weekend. My girls posted on Facebook when their game was and the friend saw it. She decided to come watch. How nice is that?! Well being that she’s only 12, she needed someone to bring her. So the friend, her dad and sister decided to surprise my girls and came to watch one of their games. A dad walking in a gym with his two young daughters is not an uncommon thing to see. Being a little bashful, though, or maybe its just what I noticed, but as I looked up it was the dad who smiled and waved at us. Certainly not a scandalous move, though, mind you my ex is sitting next to us. I think he knows of the girls, but probably wouldn’t remember them. I’m sure he wouldn’t remember their dad. They walk across the gym with a large Christmas gift bag in hand and sit down next to us.

“Merry Christmas!”. they say.

I was a little shocked. Speechless. I’m sure it showed on my face. They totally surprised us and came with a giant gift in hand!

“Oh its something from the church,” they say as they hand us the gift. Their grandparents, my good friends, go to my church and sent the gift along to give to us.

I happen to catch the look on my ex’s face and am surprised again. I am not a mind reader but I’m pretty sure I know what was going through his mind at that moment.

The look said “what is going on here or who is that guy?”.

I don’t think it took long before he put it together or my older daughter told him it was the girls friend. I am pretty sure for a brief moment I caught a glimpse of actual emotion. Anger. Jealousy. Those are the only two emotions I’ve seen in a long time. He is an expert at not showing emotion, turning off all feeling. “Stoic east coast type” he muttered during one of our few discussions after I found out he wanted a divorce. “Oh brother” was my thought at the time. Today, though, he let down his guard for a brief second. I could be imagining things, but I don’t think so. I know him too well. He was not a jealous person when we were married but I do know his angry look. It was ever so brief that had I not looked at him at that moment I would of missed it.

So during the game the dad chatted with me the entire game. It was a quiet chat, so not everyone could hear what was being said. We were focused on the game and conversation was kind of secondary. He never said anything to my ex. I’m not sure he knew he was there or even knows who he is. I never introduced the dad or kids to my ex either. I think my older daughter told him who they were.

I have thought about this interaction a lot since then and am still surprised at his reaction. He has not shown any emotion during our divorce and has refused to discuss just about anything I’ve tried to talk to him about. He never really even said he wanted the divorce (not sober anyway); I found out he wanted a divorce when I found the paperwork he had filed in his car. He would barely talk about it or discuss any of the settlement details. He still won’t talk about anything difficult. He says he will talk to me about something and never does. We still have some financial issues together and I have come to the realization that he won’t ever talk to me. He is unwilling. He is incapable. How did he get like this? He wasn’t this extreme the 20 years we were married. It seems like once things got to a place where he felt he could no longer cope (or stuff it inside) he just is refuses to deal with anything. He’s been unemployed for 2+ years now and I know his efforts at becoming employable have been minimal. what happened to the man I knew?

The glimpse into his soul that I caught this weekend let me know that there is still some life left in him. I have accepted his decision to end our marriage so its not that I think he’ll come running home. I have worried about him a lot over the past 2 years. His drinking has really consumed him and the denial of this is a demon I’m not sure he’ll ever recognize.

I will continue to pray for him. For our kids and for family. I will pray for continued guidance on this journey.

Wordles

Making a “Wordle” looked like fun but I was stumped on what words to actually use. I couldn’t think of anything longer than a few words so I borrowed the ‘Six Word Friday’ post from Molly at http://www.postcardsfromapeacefuldivorce.com. I like the way it turned out.  

Check out my “Wordle.” 

Wordle: Six Word Friday

What do you think? Post your Wordle with your comment. Have fun!

PS. Thanks Molly!