Second Time Around

What is love like the second time around? What are the rules that govern a second marriage? Once you’ve decided this and happen to find yourself married again, what does that marriage look like melded into life as you know it? Most of the time you are older, there are life histories that are brought by each partner, former spouses, former family, possibly children, possible left-over issues from the previous marriages. The list is endless. Maybe the list the first time around is longer than I appreciated at the time but chose to ignore it. Is there a minimum dating period that occurs and is it the same amount of time as when you married the first time, before life became so complicated? Does this apply whether you are 40 or 60 years old? The list of questions can go on for days. So what are the vital questions to ask before walking down the aisle again?

I never really gave remarriage a serious thought. Not until recently that is. I’ve met someone who, over a very short period of time, has me entertaining the idea of marrying again as a possibility sometime in my future. I think the fact that my mind and heart has let these thoughts materialize is another sign that I’m continuing to heal. Have I arrived? At the beginning of my divorce journey I couldn’t even say the word “divorce.” I would only say or write “D.” I got to the point where I could eventually say the actual word. It sounds kind of funny to recall this now but the pain is fresh enough that I know there was no humor around my inability or unwillingness to say the word divorce. I can’t explain it but I recall my emotional state at the time. I think our soul keeps us from taking on more than we can handle. God has designed us that way. For that I am glad. Today I can say I am divorced and I don’t start crying and my stomach doesn’t turn.

Dating when you are over 40, have kids, a job and a myriad of other life responsibilities is a challenge. I have met someone who I will call my boyfriend now. Imagine that! A boyfriend at my age! I never thought I’d be at this place! Its not that I had my life mapped out to the detail but I hadn’t entertained at 40+ years old the possibility of not being married and, of course, all that comes with that. What does it look like to have a boyfriend at this stage in life? People all around me do it but I haven’t really paid that close attention. What I have noticed about having a boyfriend is that it is way more complicated than it was when I was 20 years old and in college. Its not just about us. Our children and the physical distance between us that has to be considered each and every time we think about doing anything. Physical intimacy? Well I am feeling like a teenager again in that regard. Where does one get privacy? I remember I used to worry about my parents being home. Now I have to be aware of if my kids are home or are coming home soon.

I decided when I started the dating thing that I wouldn’t introduce my kids to anyone unless I was at a certain point. I hadn’t defined that certain point but I thought I would know when the time was right. I have told my son about R (yes, that’s his name!). He was surprised of course, but not upset. I could tell he thought it was a little weird. Then he wanted to know if he was rich. Ok not the question I was expecting. I guess it could have been worse! I will tell my girls about R next week when they are back from their dads. They spent spring break at their dads, as their uncle and grand dad are here for the week. This has meant that R and I have had the time and freedom we won’t have come next week. It will be hard to not be able to be together. I guess that’s how it is when your a single mom with a boyfriend!

Time will tell what will come of our relationship. I just try to enjoy things for what they are and not worry about the future. I can’t control or even say if I will be here tomorrow so why expend to much energy there? I’m going to enjoy my guy and how I feel about him right now. I don’t want to get bogged down in what or how its supposed to be. I want to soak up all the great love I’m feeling. It does feel so very good.


  1. Good for you!

    • I have been feeling good, especially this week. We have been like teens, with my kids on vacation with their dad. Next week will be more a dose of reality with the day to day routine back in force. Like I have said, it feels good to feel good again. I rather like it! Thanks, Michele

  2. I LOVE that you are reconsidering marriage again…with the right person, it helps in that process, doesn’t it? I secretly have been reconsidering it too…also for the same reason. Meeting someone that feels so right. Ya know? Love your post and how great you are feeling!

    • Thanks so much for your encouragement. All I can say is it feels good to feel good again. To be adored is so very nice. I had forgotten what it was like. Keep me posted on how things are going with your guy! Michele

  3. Congrats! Enjoy it. I remember my first post-divorce relationship. I felt like such a teenager and it was thrilling. Soak it up!

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