Sadness Returns

Sadness visits again today. Some days I just really miss the person my husband once was. Once he checked out of our marriage, he became a different person. When I think of him before compared to after he filed, its like I’m comparing two different people. I felt so loved and cherished for at least the first 15 years of our marriage. Once the switch flipped, all his positive feelings for me turned to negative ones. When he started to change, I didn’t treat him kindly and I withdrew. I am ashamed and so sorry for that. I did have a change of heart and in my behavior. I then did give it all I had, but I guess it was too little too late. Some days I just think about that and my heart is so sad. I’m sorry for all I contributed to the demise of my marriage. Its hard to forgive myself for the way things turned out. I wish I could have a do over or at least a second chance now. I wonder if my husbands feelings would have changed regardless of what I did or didn’t do? Or maybe his feelings weren’t what I thought they were when we got married. I know there is no point in dwelling on these sorts of questions. I’m just in one of those moods today. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m thankful for that!

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