The Fight

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My oldest daughter and I had an enormous fight the other night. I am at a loss for any creative way to tell the story so I will just jump right in.

I began by asking her why she wasn’t in school on a particular  day she was supposed to be. What started as a discussion about why she wasn’t in school escalated into a fight about my dating. Additionally, she was upset about an unrelated thing I had done. I was more upset than I can remember being in a very long time. I feel like I do pretty good job not speaking  negatively about her father or the situation, but not in that atmoment. I just let out more than I should of. Her basic point was that she didn’t like my dating.  She said she doesn’t want anyone (whoever im dating) at our house and she didn’t want to meet them. I was at a loss for the right words. So instead I probably said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I really don’t need to repeat the actual words we used. Im sure you could imagine pretty easily what hurtful and selfish things we each said.

As awful the argument was, there were some key points I gleaned from that night.

First, is that she is still hurting so badly from our divorce.

She has always been and still longs to be a daddy’s girl.

She is as hard on me as I am on her.

A couple of days later we talked again. We were calm and out of the heat of the moment. She said it is hard on her to go from just our family that she’s known for 17 years to it being something totally different. She does want me to be happy. She realizes that in a few short years that all of the kids will be grown up and gone (maybe!)  I told her for me it was the realization that life is too short to wallow in sadness and regret over the past. None of us never knows if its our last day on this earth. I want to strive to be happy and, of course, keep my eyes on God. The prize of eternity is the main focus of my life.

After the fight I thought things were hopeless. I didn’t think she would bend at all or even consider accepting someone else in my life. I am thankful we are at a place where she is open to my new beau. She realizes I may get married some day again. We are both trying and working on our relationship. I am so glad for that.

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  1. Wow…I’m so sorry you had such a fight with your daughter, but I am glad some good realizations came out of it and you got to talk more openly about it afterwards. The good news is, she wants you to be happy, as you her, and hopefully it’ll just take time for her to adjust. XO.

    • I think since we both got all of that out there has been a peace between us. She tends to bottle everything up inside and has views about things that are not always accurate, or shared by those around her. Because she doesn’t say anything, you dont always know she holds a particular view about something until she lashes out. Maybe we all do this to a degree. Not sure. I am certainly not the expert on communciation! I just keep trying!

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